domingo, abril 23, 2006
La La La
Well, the first thing I discovered during the holidays that "a lot of free time" does not translate into effective working hours. Of course, I AM getting more work done, but still, once again, I would like to have double-days to get things done more quickly. Writing is a completely self-conscious activity for me; the more I learn, the more I feel like I cannot possibly be worthy of joining the ranks of the Great, or even the ranks of the Good. All this of course, is accentuated by my overly demanding plans; I always think I can do something in 2 hours and when it takes longer I feel like a failure. Really, I don't know how I can be so overconfident and so scared at the same time.
I have, however, been enjoying my new schedule, which involves quite a few hours of writing at home, at least ideally. I have also discovered that talking about music is very dangerous; all in all, I am learning to shut my mouth when someone says something like "Luis Miguel is the greatest Mexican artist". They just wouldn't care for what I would say back to them, and I would never convince them otherwise. (Ouch! and Yuk!) This is not good at all. If, when I was a teenager, I used to feel as if I was actually an alien species, unable to enjoy what others enjoyed (such as going to an 'antro'--which I have learned to enjoy on occasion, depending on who's with me and how much I am able to tolerate the music and how much I really wanted to dress up), I find that now, as an 'intellectual' (whatever that may be) I see that I definitely am speaking a language that most people here don't speak. So yes, I am some sort of freak but I wouldn't change if I was given the choice and a million dollars to do it. Most people bore me to death (and no, I am probably no better than them, and yes, I know I probably bore them too). Thank god for friends! I am thankful that there are people I can really talk to and have fun with, since laughing is one of my favorite pastimes. (I am afraid, though, that I am starting to grow apart from my family. Will the time come when we have nothing to talk of? I really hope not.)
Pfft!! Sigh.
P.S. I have forgotten return a library book due Feb 20. Now that I remember that it was due a million years ago, I am afraid to return it. I'm sure those librarians will want to cut off my toes or something. Never mind the fine: the shame!
Well, the first thing I discovered during the holidays that "a lot of free time" does not translate into effective working hours. Of course, I AM getting more work done, but still, once again, I would like to have double-days to get things done more quickly. Writing is a completely self-conscious activity for me; the more I learn, the more I feel like I cannot possibly be worthy of joining the ranks of the Great, or even the ranks of the Good. All this of course, is accentuated by my overly demanding plans; I always think I can do something in 2 hours and when it takes longer I feel like a failure. Really, I don't know how I can be so overconfident and so scared at the same time.
I have, however, been enjoying my new schedule, which involves quite a few hours of writing at home, at least ideally. I have also discovered that talking about music is very dangerous; all in all, I am learning to shut my mouth when someone says something like "Luis Miguel is the greatest Mexican artist". They just wouldn't care for what I would say back to them, and I would never convince them otherwise. (Ouch! and Yuk!) This is not good at all. If, when I was a teenager, I used to feel as if I was actually an alien species, unable to enjoy what others enjoyed (such as going to an 'antro'--which I have learned to enjoy on occasion, depending on who's with me and how much I am able to tolerate the music and how much I really wanted to dress up), I find that now, as an 'intellectual' (whatever that may be) I see that I definitely am speaking a language that most people here don't speak. So yes, I am some sort of freak but I wouldn't change if I was given the choice and a million dollars to do it. Most people bore me to death (and no, I am probably no better than them, and yes, I know I probably bore them too). Thank god for friends! I am thankful that there are people I can really talk to and have fun with, since laughing is one of my favorite pastimes. (I am afraid, though, that I am starting to grow apart from my family. Will the time come when we have nothing to talk of? I really hope not.)
Pfft!! Sigh.
P.S. I have forgotten return a library book due Feb 20. Now that I remember that it was due a million years ago, I am afraid to return it. I'm sure those librarians will want to cut off my toes or something. Never mind the fine: the shame!
Comments:
A mi siempre me pasó lo mismo, mientras mis amigas morían por Chayanne yo moría por otras cosas, y si, uno se siente como un extraterrestre. Yo pensé que eso se me iba a pasar pero afortunadamente he conocido a más gente como yo. Moraleja: no estamos solos.
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