miércoles, octubre 31, 2007
Les debía
un post ad hoc
un post ad hoc
Este es un post fantasma porque se quedó como intención de post durante largos, largos días y meses (desde abril!). También es fantasma porque no lo escribí yo, sino un amigo muy querido a quien por cierto saludo (Hola!) [Disculpad el momento tipo plebe-en-la-tele-saludos-a-mi-abuelita-que-me-está-viendo-y-es-su-cumpleaños].
Y ya sé que voy a parecer floja porque últimamente nomás transcribo e-mails ("al que mata un perro le dicen mataperros", dice mi mamá), pero me pareció adecuado al día.
Estaba sentado un lunes alrededor de las ocho de la noche en mi cuarto, recien comenzando a leer la novela que la Dra. *** (la investigadora con la que trabajo) me había prestado ese mismo día después de haber descubierto la semana pasada que compartíamos una afición por las historias melancólicas, reales y llenas de extrañas coincidencias y por ende de Paul Auster. En eso estaba cuando me encontré el siguiente parrafo que me hizo esbozar una leve sonrisa un poco torcida hacia el extremo derecho de la boca:
"Empezó a mostrarse cada vez más retraído. Pasó otro año, y tan completo era su aislamiento para entonces que el muchacho acabó pasando solo su trigésimo cumpelaños. Lo cierto era que se había olvidado de toda esa cuestión de los aniversarios, y como nadie lo llamó para felicitarlo ni expresarle sus buenos deseos, no se acordó hasta las dos de la madrugada siguiente. En aquel momento se encontraba en pleno Queens, y acababa de dejar a dos empresarios borrachos en un club de strip-tease llamado Garden of Earthly Delights, y para celebrar el comienzo de la cuarta decada de su existencia se dirigió al Metropolitan Diner de Northern Boulevard, se sentó en la barra y pidió un batido de chocolate con leche, dos hamburguesas y una ración de patatas fritas."
Paul Auster, Brooklyn follies, p. 33.
H.
"Empezó a mostrarse cada vez más retraído. Pasó otro año, y tan completo era su aislamiento para entonces que el muchacho acabó pasando solo su trigésimo cumpelaños. Lo cierto era que se había olvidado de toda esa cuestión de los aniversarios, y como nadie lo llamó para felicitarlo ni expresarle sus buenos deseos, no se acordó hasta las dos de la madrugada siguiente. En aquel momento se encontraba en pleno Queens, y acababa de dejar a dos empresarios borrachos en un club de strip-tease llamado Garden of Earthly Delights, y para celebrar el comienzo de la cuarta decada de su existencia se dirigió al Metropolitan Diner de Northern Boulevard, se sentó en la barra y pidió un batido de chocolate con leche, dos hamburguesas y una ración de patatas fritas."
Paul Auster, Brooklyn follies, p. 33.
H.
Hoy mi blog se disfraza de club de strip-tease. No sean malos y dejen buenas propinas.
martes, octubre 23, 2007
The newest literary genre
Check it out!
Hello,
I am writing from the hospital, therefore this mail is very urgent as you can see that I am going home. I was told by the doctor that I was poisoned and has got my liver damaged and can only live for some months. I inherited some money ($28.725 Million) from my late father and I cannot think of anybody trying to kill me apart from my step mother in order to inherit the money, she is an Ivorien by nationality.
Check it out!
This is an e-mail I got a few days ago. It still reads a bit like a bad penny-dreadful, but I'm sure that soon these people will step up and start producing major literary triumphs. Then they might be able to convince me to give them money or whatever they're after, willingly even.
Hello,
I am writing from the hospital, therefore this mail is very urgent as you can see that I am going home. I was told by the doctor that I was poisoned and has got my liver damaged and can only live for some months. I inherited some money ($28.725 Million) from my late father and I cannot think of anybody trying to kill me apart from my step mother in order to inherit the money, she is an Ivorien by nationality.
I want you to contact my servant with this informations below:
Miss Sarah Welsh.
Address: Rue De La Princess L/G 152 Cocody
Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire.
Email: ms.sarahwelsh@gmail.com
This is the favour I need when you have gotten the money :-
(1) Give 15% of the money to my servant, Sarah as she has been there for me since my illness and I have promised to support her in life. Sarah is an ophan i adopted her and she is only 17 years old now. I want you to take her along with you to your country and esterblish her.
(2) Give 25% of the money to Charity Organisations and Churches on my name so that my soul may rest in peace.
HOSPITAL Note: This should be a code between you and Sarah in this transactioin "Hospital" any mail from her, the barrister she will direct you to, without this code "Hospital" is not from the barrister, Sarah, the bank or myself as I don't know what will happen to me in the next few hours.
(2) Request the lawyer's international passport, and Let Sarah send you her National ID as she has no passport to be sure of whom you are dealing with. Sarah is so little therefore guide her.
If I don't hear from you within two days, I will look for another person.
May God bless you and use you to accomplish my wish.
Pray for me always.
Anna Bates.
Thank you Holy Father.
Miss Sarah Welsh.
Address: Rue De La Princess L/G 152 Cocody
Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire.
Email: ms.sarahwelsh@gmail.com
This is the favour I need when you have gotten the money :-
(1) Give 15% of the money to my servant, Sarah as she has been there for me since my illness and I have promised to support her in life. Sarah is an ophan i adopted her and she is only 17 years old now. I want you to take her along with you to your country and esterblish her.
(2) Give 25% of the money to Charity Organisations and Churches on my name so that my soul may rest in peace.
HOSPITAL Note: This should be a code between you and Sarah in this transactioin "Hospital" any mail from her, the barrister she will direct you to, without this code "Hospital" is not from the barrister, Sarah, the bank or myself as I don't know what will happen to me in the next few hours.
(2) Request the lawyer's international passport, and Let Sarah send you her National ID as she has no passport to be sure of whom you are dealing with. Sarah is so little therefore guide her.
If I don't hear from you within two days, I will look for another person.
May God bless you and use you to accomplish my wish.
Pray for me always.
Anna Bates.
Thank you Holy Father.
My guess is that Sarah did it. Any bets? (Oh and thank you for calling me Holy Father, although I would choose a different divine form if I were God. I would be female, for one).
Challenge to all you writers: how about starting a short story with this, then see where it goes? If you can include a Butler besides the Stepmother and the Loyal Servant, and still surprise me, even better.
lunes, octubre 15, 2007
Más desastres!?!?!?!
Ayer era el día indicado para hacer este post para felicitar a mi persona favorita pero no entré a internet excepto para buscar aquí una buena receta de betún para su pastel, y después tuve muchos muchos problemas ya que hubo una gran explosión en la cocina. Vidrios asesinos por todos lados menos, afortunadamente, incrustados en mí. Creo que tengo que repasar las reglas tanto de la física como las del sentido común (ahora sí no le puedo echar la culpa al Puck, ¿o sí?). Y les doy el repaso a ustedes, para ver si aprenden en cabeza ajena o como se diga: si ponen a derretir chocolate en baño maría, no lo hagan en un recipiente de vidrio lleno de agua sobre el fuego, porque explota. (A menos que sea Pyrex, creo. Yo ya no me voy a arriesgar).
Eso me pasa por perder la práctica. No había horneado nada desde el dramático episodio de los panquecitos verde radiactivo. ¡Y pensar que alguna vez fui buena en esto! (Aunque el pastel, aclaro, quedó muy rico y sin vidrio molido adentro).
Pero bueno en honor al festejado pongo y le dedico el principio de un cuento que alguna vez le leí por teléfono--era una versión menos resumida y con algunos cambios; por ejemplo, subían el espejo al cielo para reflejar los defectos de los ángeles, pero no se pudieron acercar mucho por lo de que el espejo se reía con los buenos pensamientos--, y que como verán tiene mucho que ver con la aventura de ayer:
"FIRST STORY. Which Treats of a Mirror and of the Splinters
Once upon a time there was a wicked sprite, indeed he was the most mischievous of all sprites. One day he was in a very good humor, for he had made a mirror with the power of causing all that was good and beautiful when it was reflected therein, to look poor and mean; but that which was good-for-nothing and looked ugly was shown magnified and increased in ugliness. In this mirror the most beautiful landscapes looked like boiled spinach, and the best persons were turned into frights, or appeared to stand on their heads; their faces were so distorted that they were not to be recognised; and if anyone had a mole, you might be sure that it would be magnified and spread over both nose and mouth.
"That's glorious fun!" said the sprite. If a good thought passed through a man's mind, then a grin was seen in the mirror, and the sprite laughed heartily at his clever discovery. All the little sprites who went to his school--for he kept a sprite school--told each other that a miracle had happened; and that now only, as they thought, it would be possible to see how the world really looked. They ran about with the mirror; and at last there was not a land or a person who was not represented distorted in the mirror. So then they thought they would fly up to the sky, and have a joke there. The higher they flew with the mirror, the more terribly it grinned: they could hardly hold it fast. Higher and higher still they flew, nearer and nearer to the stars, when suddenly the mirror shook so terribly with grinning, that it flew out of their hands and fell to the earth, where it was dashed in a hundred million and more pieces. And now it worked much more evil than before; for some of these pieces were hardly so large as a grain of sand, and they flew about in the wide world, and when they got into people's eyes, there they stayed; and then people saw everything perverted, or only had an eye for that which was evil. This happened because the very smallest bit had the same power which the whole mirror had possessed. Some persons even got a splinter in their heart, and then it made one shudder, for their heart became like a lump of ice. Some of the broken pieces were so large that they were used for windowpanes, through which one could not see one's friends. Other pieces were put in spectacles; and that was a sad affair when people put on their glasses to see well and rightly. Then the wicked sprite laughed till he almost choked, for all this tickled his fancy. The fine splinters still flew about in the air..."
A mí me ha de haber entrado uno porque definitivamente ví mis defectos como repostera y la inexistencia de mi sentido común.
Ayer era el día indicado para hacer este post para felicitar a mi persona favorita pero no entré a internet excepto para buscar aquí una buena receta de betún para su pastel, y después tuve muchos muchos problemas ya que hubo una gran explosión en la cocina. Vidrios asesinos por todos lados menos, afortunadamente, incrustados en mí. Creo que tengo que repasar las reglas tanto de la física como las del sentido común (ahora sí no le puedo echar la culpa al Puck, ¿o sí?). Y les doy el repaso a ustedes, para ver si aprenden en cabeza ajena o como se diga: si ponen a derretir chocolate en baño maría, no lo hagan en un recipiente de vidrio lleno de agua sobre el fuego, porque explota. (A menos que sea Pyrex, creo. Yo ya no me voy a arriesgar).
Eso me pasa por perder la práctica. No había horneado nada desde el dramático episodio de los panquecitos verde radiactivo. ¡Y pensar que alguna vez fui buena en esto! (Aunque el pastel, aclaro, quedó muy rico y sin vidrio molido adentro).
Pero bueno en honor al festejado pongo y le dedico el principio de un cuento que alguna vez le leí por teléfono--era una versión menos resumida y con algunos cambios; por ejemplo, subían el espejo al cielo para reflejar los defectos de los ángeles, pero no se pudieron acercar mucho por lo de que el espejo se reía con los buenos pensamientos--, y que como verán tiene mucho que ver con la aventura de ayer:
"FIRST STORY. Which Treats of a Mirror and of the Splinters
Once upon a time there was a wicked sprite, indeed he was the most mischievous of all sprites. One day he was in a very good humor, for he had made a mirror with the power of causing all that was good and beautiful when it was reflected therein, to look poor and mean; but that which was good-for-nothing and looked ugly was shown magnified and increased in ugliness. In this mirror the most beautiful landscapes looked like boiled spinach, and the best persons were turned into frights, or appeared to stand on their heads; their faces were so distorted that they were not to be recognised; and if anyone had a mole, you might be sure that it would be magnified and spread over both nose and mouth.
"That's glorious fun!" said the sprite. If a good thought passed through a man's mind, then a grin was seen in the mirror, and the sprite laughed heartily at his clever discovery. All the little sprites who went to his school--for he kept a sprite school--told each other that a miracle had happened; and that now only, as they thought, it would be possible to see how the world really looked. They ran about with the mirror; and at last there was not a land or a person who was not represented distorted in the mirror. So then they thought they would fly up to the sky, and have a joke there. The higher they flew with the mirror, the more terribly it grinned: they could hardly hold it fast. Higher and higher still they flew, nearer and nearer to the stars, when suddenly the mirror shook so terribly with grinning, that it flew out of their hands and fell to the earth, where it was dashed in a hundred million and more pieces. And now it worked much more evil than before; for some of these pieces were hardly so large as a grain of sand, and they flew about in the wide world, and when they got into people's eyes, there they stayed; and then people saw everything perverted, or only had an eye for that which was evil. This happened because the very smallest bit had the same power which the whole mirror had possessed. Some persons even got a splinter in their heart, and then it made one shudder, for their heart became like a lump of ice. Some of the broken pieces were so large that they were used for windowpanes, through which one could not see one's friends. Other pieces were put in spectacles; and that was a sad affair when people put on their glasses to see well and rightly. Then the wicked sprite laughed till he almost choked, for all this tickled his fancy. The fine splinters still flew about in the air..."
A mí me ha de haber entrado uno porque definitivamente ví mis defectos como repostera y la inexistencia de mi sentido común.
martes, octubre 02, 2007
Haciendo cuentas
Llevar globitos blancos a la estatua de Ghandi: buen Karma. (+1)
Provocar que cierren la calle y que mucha gente, incluyéndome, haga horas de camino al trabajo (y desviaciones espantosas): mal Karma. (-1)
Total: 0
Veredicto: Mejor se hubieran quedado en su casa.
Llevar globitos blancos a la estatua de Ghandi: buen Karma. (+1)
Provocar que cierren la calle y que mucha gente, incluyéndome, haga horas de camino al trabajo (y desviaciones espantosas): mal Karma. (-1)
Total: 0
Veredicto: Mejor se hubieran quedado en su casa.
